Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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