I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
