does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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