Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
