Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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