Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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