This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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