Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
