Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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