She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
