how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
