i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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