The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
