the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
