I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
