That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
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Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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