My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
