Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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