you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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