UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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