You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
