My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
