Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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