it wasn't lemon gatorade
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
