capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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