I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
