You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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