I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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