When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
