Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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