Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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