He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
