ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
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How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I love you.
Bad choice
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