What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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