Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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