you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
