Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
