Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
