i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
