Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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