even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
