I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
