cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
