Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
