a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
