There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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