He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
