she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
