When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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