4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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