Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
