You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
