If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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