please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
