i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
