Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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