Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dear god my vagina.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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