Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
