Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
