Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
