it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
