I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
