How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
