you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
