my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
