I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
