So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
