i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
