Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
