i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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