my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
