How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
