am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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