Can i not drive my cunt home
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
