there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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